Peace

This weeks message on Advent was about peace.  And how appropriate it was for our weekend.  Like I had mentioned previously Wilfreda gets a little extra crazy during the holidays because she gets sentimental and wants things to be perfect for a family that is anything but.  So, she tries extra hard which results in us getting driven crazy a little faster.

This time she wanted to visit with her husband, Mike, whom we like a lot.  He's more of the type of person we would hang out with, and not just because he's 'family.'  The visit itself went fairly well in my opinion.  I can honestly say that I was dreading seeing her, and I know that this is really petty but if you would've seen her hair you would've either started 1.) laughing 2.) thought that a mop just knocked on your door 3.) been irritated that one would think going out in public like that is half way acceptable. I know that's really mean, but that was my first impression of the visit...

There was this e-card I saw on Pinterest that I thought was pretty funny.  It said, "once you hate someone, everything they do is offense.  Look at that bitch eating her crackers like she effing owns the place."  Which, I don't hate Wilfreda, but I feel liker her hair cut might've been one of these instances...

During the visit Tristan wanted to show her his train set upstairs in the play room so Gaetan went upstairs with them and she gave him this look like, "Why did you follow us up here?"  And she eventually said something about feeling like we don't trust her with the kids... which is true.  and she knows its true because we've told her it before!  I feel badly that her feelings are hurt about this, but this is just the way that it is.

We played for a few hours, after they were late, of course, and then Tristan started to say that he was hungry.  And he requested going to Olive Garden, but Wilfreda accused us of telling him that he should say that.  That was irritating.  1.) I wouldn't passively aggressively try to have my 3 year old son get a point across that I wanted 2.) If I wanted to try and subtly throw out a restaurant to go to it wouldn't be Olive Garden.  3.)  Isn't that a little immature to do that?  So, I suggested that I could just make lunch and that it wasn't a big deal, but by that time she already seemed put out.  She then proceeded to treat Mike in a way that I thought was totally unacceptable, disrespectful, and just plain rude, which just irked me a bit more.

After the meal the plan apparently was they wanted to go Christmas shopping... so i was going to let Tristan skip his nap and go hang out with them with Gaetan.  But, while we were getting into the car (because we had to take Lucy home for her nap) he took off across the parking lot and ran into another parking lot and I had to chase after him.  It was so scary.  I'm not sure if you've ever thought your child was going to get hit by a car, but it's the worst feeling a parent can have.  Especially when you're almost there and they're about to run out by a corner where a car wouldn't have been able to see them.  I was freaking out.  I did get to him in time and there wasn't a car coming, but because of that I told him he couldn't hang out and skip his nap.  Of course he FLIPPED out.  And I'm not sure about you, but in that situation you quickly address what went wrong, why he's being punished and then you try and get out of the public eye as quickly as possible.  So, what does she do?  She re-opens the car door to tell him that it's OK... NO LADY, it's not OK!  It's not ok that he didn't listen to come back and ran across the parking lot.  It's not OK that he could've been seriously hurt.  It's not OK that you're trying to make it seem like it's not a problem and that he didn't do anything wrong.  He DID do something wrong and he needs to know it.  It's not OK that you're undermining what I'm telling him again right in front of me.  The ridiculous part was that her husband Mike told Tristan that the reason why he couldn't hang out was because he didn't listen... funny that a guy who doesn't have any kids knows more about consequences and child raising than a woman who claims to have been a mother to two...

Afte that we tried to quickly say good-bye and just get the kids home.  After we got them settled I called her because I wanted to give her a few things that were still at the house but she didn't answer.  So I sent her a text and still nothing.  A few minutes later Gaetan tried calling and it went straight to voicemail.  Now, I'm fairly certain that the only reason why your phone goes straight to voicemail is because you turned it off.  We tried getting a hold of her for the next two hours to meet up with them and give them the stuff but nothing.  I eventually left her a voicemail telling her what I was hoping to accomplish and still nothing.  Eventually she texted Gaetan that they made it home... not a single word to me about anything.  So Gaetan asked her about what happened and how shopping was, and she gave very short answers that were all bull shit.

He asked why she never got back with me about anything and she said it was because she put her phone on silent in the back of the car.  Which, even if that was the case it would've at least rung and wouldn't have gone straight to voicemail.  And, if that was the case that meant that she heard me trying to call and text and turned the ringer off because it was on earlier in the day when we were trying to figure out what time they were getting there.  I hate liars.  And I hate when you've been caught you still don't own up to it.

She made up some sob story about woe is her because we don't visit her out at her place and she doesn't feel like we treat her like family... that we only tolerate her because she is family.  And it's hard because that's fairly true.  If she was just a stranger or somebody we would never see her or talk with her because we just really aren't that compatible as people... and we really are just tolerating her because she's family.  I don't think that she gets just because she's Oma she has all these entitlements to MY family.  She keeps making passive aggressive statements about us not visiting and how she has this empty house during Christmas, when she is the one who told us that she wanted to be Oma from far away.  That she only wanted to visit for a few hours at a time and then be on her way.  That sounds like a terrible family.

She also keeps trying to push on us how wonderful the Polar Express is.  Ever since we've been engaged telling us how wonderful this is... she even bought us the movie, which we've never seen.  I asked her during this visit, because she wanted the kids to watch it, why she thought this movie was such a wonderful thing and she couldn't tell me why.  She just kept saying it was a beautiful story... a beautiful story about what?  Because I can guarantee you it has nothing to do with what we want our children to view Christmas as.  And I'm not going to cut out everything, especially books, that deal with  things that we aren't going to teach our kids about, but I most certainly don't have to focus on it.  I want our kids to know about Santa Claus and things like that, but we aren't going to focus on that during this season.  And these are things we've told her about and time and time again she gets them things that make Christmas all about Santa.

This last visit really drained me.  Most of the time I can digest what happened but this time I am just tired.  I am at peace with the decisions that we've made regarding her, these issues and our family.  God has given me peace about these things and about how I should handle them.  I talked with her about some of the weirdness between us, and I hope that something sunk in.  If anything, it will help me not become bitter, and hold resentments... to be more peaceful this holiday season.

These types of visits really make me realize how lucky I am and blessed that I know that it's me and Gaetan against the world.  That I know he has my back and that I've got his.  That the decisions that he makes are for our families best interest, and that he is consulting good counsel first.  This gives me peace in times like this.

So, as many of you will be with family this season really work towards being at peace.  Even if it's just peace within yourself, you will be thankful for it.

JVG