OK. This post is pretty much for me and getting my frustrations out. My good friend Amy's husband, Brian (whom I call The Big B... who isn't large at all) coined this phrase, 'the out laws'. Describing your in-laws that you can't really stand or drive you crazy. So, I would say that I am more than within my limits to say I have out-laws.
Since Wilfreda's last visit we have kept our communication as minimal as possible. It might sound mean and one might even venture to think, well you should just talk to her about it... and the answer to that is. We have. Repeatedly. And the outcome is always the same. She doesn't listen and does what she wants anyways. Ridiculous. Anyways, Oma Oma (Gaetan's Grandma) is coming from Belgium for a visit (like she does every year) and we decided that we would bite the bullet and have to see her then. She texts every once and awhile, and calls poor Gaetan more than she calls me now. And lately, the newest fiasco is Zoe and her decision on whether she should pursue dance at school or take this job as an office manager at this company.
Zoe keeps calling and asking for advice and every time she calls she has changed her mind on what she's going to do from the previous time she's called (which is usually the day before). And then we get Wilfreda texting us information we already know, because I think she thinks she's the only person that Zoe talks too... Well, finally, Zoe has decided that she's going to pursue her dance school in Seattle. Final Answer. She did her job training at this company but couldn't find her green card, so she decided that was probably a sign, since she needs that to actually get hired. Good, I'm glad she's made up her mind.
However, we keep getting texts from Wilfreda saying shit we already know, and then trying to sound all philosophical and deep with things that are just plain stupid. And then really, this is about the Dad too. Now, I've only met this man three times in my life, so that probably equals a whole 2 hours. Zoe was all afraid of moving away because she didn't know how she was going to handle being away from him. I was like, seriously?! This man has shit all over you, and your family so many times I can't even keep it straight and you're worried about not being by him? I'm pretty sure he didn't give a flying eff when he moved out of the country and out of state without telling her crap about where he was or how long he was going to gone. I asked her why she was so invested and she said that even though through the good times and the bad he's always been there for her and understands her. Yeah, ok. I'm sure he understands people because he needs to know how they operate in order to manipulate them. He was all against her going and was trying his hardest to make her feel badly for wanting to go. WHAT KIND OF FATHER DOES THAT? She even said that he's more like a friend than a father, which is messed up already. Yes, once you get to a certain age your parents are not really your 'parents' because you're both adults and they're more like peers... but lets get one thing straight. Neither one of those people (Ingrid or Mark) were ever parents to begin with.
It just blows my mind every time she does this because we have such good talks and it really seems like she's getting a handle on life and then she pulls this weird crap. I understand that it's hard to distance yourself from people whom you think mean well, and are your 'family' but I have got to think that you can only be stepped on so many times before you say, "Eff you." Ya know? I guess she hasn't figured that one out yet.
I think Zoe is so desperate to have something that is close to a normal 'family' that she is willing to keep ties with people she should've definitely cut loose long ago. And I think that in some ways its easier to keep them around because it would be hard to cut them loose and feel vulnerable and alone. The only thing that I can really do, is offer help and guidance when asked and be there for her when they crap on her time and time again. I guess that's the part that's really frustrates me. That she is so surprised and hurt that it's happened again. It seems like she has such an understanding of what she wants, and how she is going to get it when we talk, but I think as soon as she talks with the other two she reverts right back to being 8 years old... about the age she was when they really started dumping on both kids. Its hard to get over that idea of 'family' as the people who are biologically related to you. There are plenty of people in our lives that I would consider family before people that are related to me by blood. And that is a hard concept to make your own too.
But, regardless of his trying to convince her to stay around she is going to Cornish to pursue dancing. I'm not looking forward to the drama that will ensue but hopefully we can be more help than not. Its just difficult because Zoe turns to us for help but then runs to Ingrid and Mark, who give her terrible advice, and she just falls all over that like it's the best thing she's ever heard. In some aspects she's super mature for her age, but in trusting people and judging their character, I think she is as green as they come.
Ingrid has all these grand plans for when Oma Oma comes to town for the family to get together... and since Zoe is moving out to Seattle in the next two weeks she wants to cram everything all together at once. Her big yank is that she wants to be around for Tristan's birthday, and we weren't planning on doing something big at all, because we aren't really that big about things like that. So, we will see how this all plays out. Pray for us. Pray for patience. Pray for understanding, and grace and peace. I'll let you know how it all unfolds...
JVG
Family photo Oct 2010
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