I know the majority of the time I am upbeat, enthusiastic, ready to help... but I have to admit, I have been struggling lately. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I feel... overwhelmed? Overwhelmed with all the hurt and sadness there is around us. And, I know that there is always going to be something that is tragic, and there are always people who are hurting... but for some reason its hitting a little closer to home. I can usually get over my disgust with the general population, and their ignorant and willfully hateful attitudes, but for right now, I can't.
I find myself sitting and wondering where it all goes wrong. I know that's a huge question to a broad problem, but I just don't know. Why do parents lose babies? Why is there such heartache for people who are supposed to love each other? Why do people think they are better than someone else just because that other person is different? And because they are different why do people think they can treat each other like they aren't PEOPLE. What do we do to help? How do we help those closest to us pick up the pieces when it all falls to shit? How can we discern when people are putting a facade on there just to get by and when they are really crying out for help?
We went and saw a speaker last weekend for a date (I will blog about that later) and it was awesome. It was inspiring and very thought provoking. I have been mulling it over all week, which is why I haven't blogged about it. And for me, the hardest thing I have to reconcile is as a Christian, what does that look like to the world. How am I helping? And how do I help without wearing myself too thin? How do I know when I've done enough?
And, honestly, I don't think there is ever an end. I struggle with feeling adequate. Especially as a parent. Its been rough lately. And, I know we are all just doing the best that we can but I constantly feel like a jerk. I constantly feel like I am the bad guy. In the eyes of a 4 and almost 6 year old do they understand why I tell them no?
A lot of close friends are struggling with very real, very heart aching problems. That's really all I can say.
No amount of 'me' time really seems to be helping. No amount of miles or ice cream cones. So do I do? How I pull myself up out of this? Not sure. I will though. I always do. But for now, we think. And for those who are hurting or struggling... I'm sorry. Ask for help. And when your friend asks for help, just listen. Don't try to provide an answer, just fucking listen. And as awkward as it might be for you, they're the ones who are being vulnerable and laying it all out there... so, please. Just listen.
JVG
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