Man, this winter seems like it has been extra bad for colds. Everybody I know is either getting sick or is sick... never getting better or not sick! And weather wise this winter has been really mild! What gives?!
Gaetan has been sick the longest in our family. He is just about better and then something happens and he gets worse again. :( Then, when he gets worse, we usually catch it. It's a vicious cycle. This past weekend was especially hard. On Friday night I left to go running, and got about 2 miles in when it was reported that Lucy got up. I was having an extremely difficult time running (and I was supposed to run 14 miles that day) so I just decided to go home. It was a good thing I did too... Lucy was pretty unhappy (from being sick) and then Duder was up all night. Lucky for me the kids at least alternated so that I could go from one bedside to the other and Gaetan could get a little bit of sleep. However, because I was up all night I got super sick. Saturday morning I woke up and I had no voice. I felt like Hippo was sitting on my chest and that I was on the verge of an asthma attack.
I was so surprised that Lucy just acted like nothing was going on... usually when we all get sick she gets hit the hardest. But she was a dream. Breaks my heart when she coughs and there is snot streaming out of her nose but she didn't act like anything was wrong. Duder on the other hand... I can understand his misery but he was acting pretty naughty. I know he didn't get a lot of sleep (well, because I didn't get a lot of sleep) so on top of being super sick he was tired. It made for a long weekend.
That Saturday I was supposed to go hang out with friends on the east side of the state. I always feel so selfish for wanting/needing breaks. And this one was definitely needed, but seeing how I felt horrible, the kids were horribly sick, and I would hate to get my friends sick, I didn't go. I'm not going to lie I was real disappointed. What was getting me through the week was thinking that I might possibly get a break during the weekend... and then this happened, and any hope of a break was stomped out. I know I should've just bucked up (attitude wise) and come to grips that it wasn't going to happen, but it was just so defeating. I have just been feeling lately like it's never ending... the dishes, laundry, crying kids, being sick, just all in all not feeling like I'm doing good enough, and that is crushing after awhile. There's something I hung over Lucy's changing table that says,
"Lord, help me to remember that no matter what happens today, there's nothing that you and I can't handle together."
I don't know how many times I've just found myself staring at that. I've been praying extra hard for a better attitude about things and I know that if I would just do it then my lesson would be learned and I feel like miraculously everything would be better... but I'm a bit stubborn I suppose. There are glimmers of good times during my day, but it's so crazy how quickly it can turn bad. I'm starting to feel more optimistic about things but it is definitely a daily struggle right now.
Don't worry... I'm not going to do anything rash or hasty like leave the kids at home or something. And I should be joyful in the things I am able to do. I know that there are plenty of people who would love to have dirty dishes to clean, because that meant they had food to eat. Or they wouldn't mind hearing children crying or not going to sleep, because that meant they had children to care for. But sometimes, this tired Momma just needs a break.
The time that I get away for myself lately has been running, but I haven't been able to do that because of feeling miserable and because I feel so guilty about leaving Gaetan with the kids when they are feeling so miserable. I will hopefully get a chance to run on Thursday and by then, I hope that we are all 100% better.
Here's to a more positive outlook. We can do this.
JVG
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