Ever since Zoe (my sister in law) has re-entered the picture it has been great for the family. Ingrid seems so much happier having her back (and she should be) and I'm really glad that Gaetan gets to share life with his sister. Zoe and I usually text back and forth during the day, but not usually about really serious stuff. The other day we actually talked on the phone and it was incredible.
To say that their family is dysfunctional, I think, would be the understatement of the century. I've gotten bits and pieces from Gaetan of how things where and how he never wants them to be. Most of the time things get explained when I do things that don't mean much to me, (like standing with my arms folded) but because things happened growing up he doesn't like them. For example, we have had long discussions (and continue to) about disciplining the kids... what's appropriate and what is working and what's not. He had a really hard time with the idea of spanking our kids... and hearing more and more about how he grew up I can understand why.
Zoe and I talked a lot about how Ingrid used to be. I knew that Ingrid's circumstances were less than ideal, and that she handled them the best way she knew how too (which still wasn't very well). But I had no idea to the extent of how bad things where growing up for them. The fact that Gaetan is even half of the Dad he is is a miracle. And the fact that Zoe isn't more messed up than she is is one as well. I'm still reeling from the things I find out... and I know that each story is going to be a little bit different (depending on what person you ask) because of their perspective, but I know as a whole that it just wasn't a good environment. With all that said, there really isn't any excuse to abuse your children the way that she did... emotionally and physically. I know that her father was abusive as well, and you've gotta thing that she didn't like it very much. In fact, we've talked about how horrible her dad used to be and I know that she hated it... so it makes you think, why would she do that to people she claims to love?
When Gaetan and I met, he and his mother had just gotten back onto talking terms. And honestly, the grace and compassion he has to have to forgive all that she did is remarkable. I know that there is still a lot of baggage that will be sorted through, but we have an entire life time for that. But when we met Zoe wasn't in the picture, not even close. And he just kept telling me that he missed her and that she had a lot of growing up and finding out about herself before she was going to come back. I think during that time she was trying to figure out and cope with what happened. And I know that she is still trying to figure it out.
I talked to my Mom about this because it was really upsetting. As she put it, our family might be weird but in the grand scheme of things we're pretty normal. I just couldn't imagine living/growing up that way. I think the worst I had it was watching my brothers and sister make mistakes and seeing the consequences. For this, I am so thankful that I was placed in the family that I was.
The hardest thing, I think, hearing was that for the longest time Gaetan thought that's what families where like. That that's how everybody was treated. I can't imagine thinking that that is normal... but when you haven't experienced anything else, how would you know? I am so happy that we met and that God is working wonderful things in his lives, and consequently ours. I have to think that you don't start to go through all that and work things out without Jesus helping you through it... and I know that there are days that hit him more than others, but he is a wonderful wonderful man. And he is such a strong and good head of our house.
So, I guess, everybody has a story and you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Yes, there are people who are just plain big jerks out there, but I don't think that we should go around assuming they all are. I know that Zoe has a lot that she is still gonna go through and I'm thankful that she has Gaetan to talk to... and me. As hard as it is to hear, it gives me better perspective, understanding and appreciation for the things that I have and what they went through. It also helps me to know why certain things are more of a big deal, and if I can prevent doing them then I will.
JVG
No comments:
Post a Comment