This rant has been in the making for awhile. Its been about 1.5 months since this incident occurred and I'm still digesting facts. But... I will try and break it down for you as best I can.
As you know Saturday night has been traditionally pizza and beer. Well, in the last 1.5 months we have done it exactly never. This is due to the incident that I'm about to describe. For some reason we were at my parents house on a Friday night and my Mom was in an extra special mood. She was pissed because something had broken on her big quilting machine downstairs and she wanted to get this quilt started and finished but couldn't. She was looking furiously online for the part and then she went downstairs and found it, luckily, because she wasn't finding it on the internet. But, then she realized that she couldn't fix it for a few days unit Dad could help her look at it, which put her in a foul mood because she wanted to do that quilt NOW.
For us that week had been especially hard and busy for a few reasons (many I can't even think of right now) but I was worn down and tired from the whole thing. The last thing I really wanted, or needed, was her giving me attitude because she projecting her anger about her machine. But, my Mom has never been good about not letting everything spill over from one area of her life to another, so she was cranky and unnecessarily mean. Rant 2 also plays into this story as well. Needless to say I wanted to have a beer (heaven forbid!) and 98% of the time I don't. But, as I was drinking one Mom so loudly and proudly says at the table "Everybody better watch out because you know Julie's gonna be a bitch all weekend since she's having a drink." Seriously? And that was not the only time she proceeded to call me that that weekend. After dinner I had had enough and after the kids went to bed I just went upstairs because I was sick of having everything little thing I did criticized and then get called nasty names.
The following morning I was trying to clean up the kitchen from breakfast and load the dishwasher and I asked her how she wanted me to do it, because I know that she has a very particular way she likes things done. She has this theory about how things go in there and if you load this thing here or that thing there then her dishes won't get clean. So, I was already walking on egg shells because I didn't want to piss her off so when I asked her she said the complete opposite of what she had told me the previous week, so when I was confused and told her that's not what she said last week she freaked on me again and said, "see? I was right. Being a bitch already."
I was done. I got the kids ready for church and I left. After that, we pretty much came home packed our stuff and left. I wasn't going to stick around and have her yell at me for things I didn't deserve. When we were packing our stuff up she acted like she didn't know why we weren't hanging around and was just going about her business all fine and dandy. It's ridiculous.
I totally get that my mom's life is under more stress than she would like, but she has got to figure out a better way of handling things. It's been 1.5 months since she's really seen our kids and I don't really care. I haven't been back because I was sick of her treating me poorly and not apologizing and then we have had other things come up on the weekends so we haven't really been around. The thing that bothers me is that even if I were to talk to her about it she would never say that she was sorry or that she was in the wrong. She would just say, "This is my house. If you don't like it, then don't come." And, well. We haven't.
The icing on the cake is the week after the kids had some dr's appointments and we were going to spend the night again for the weekend but after the fiasco that was the previous week I thought "hell no." I meant to tell my mom that we weren't going to come but something came up and I didn't. again, another busy week and I just plain forgot. So, then Friday night I get a snarky text from her asking where we were. I apologized and told her that I thought I had told her we weren't coming. She said, "yeah. right." And then I find out the next morning from Holly that Mom's pissed at me for not telling her we weren't coming. So, instead of coming directly to me (you know, like the adult thing to do) she goes and tells my sister who is free loading off of them and I hear it from her. So I get a hold of my Mom and try to figure out what the problem is and of course she is nothing but passive aggressive and snarky. So, I told her that I am truly sorry and that if I could go back and send the text I would. But, things get busy and she has got to remember what it's like having small children around. That you set out to do something and then something comes up and you get busy and you just plain forget. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or rude but I really thought I sent it. And after all that instead of saying "thank you for coming to me like an adult and trying to make this better" she said "I'll likely get over it."
Ok. Well, fuck off. I mean it. If you don't have the decency to come to me and say you have a problem and then when I come to you to try and fix whatever bunch your pants are in and that's all you have to say to me? Then, no skin off my back. I can carry on with my day knowing that I was the bigger person and that I don't need the negativity and added stress of coming up there on the weekends. Kind of sucks for dad because he likes seeing the kids but I will not subject myself to her mood swings and unkind attitude, nor will I let the kids witness it as well. I don't honestly care if you get over it because you are only causing yourself to be bitter and hateful. She still hasn't said that she's sorry for calling me names all weekend and she never will. That's just not who she is. I'm over it because I know that's how she is but it was really hurtful at the time. But, this is just the tipping point of the rant of my family. Needless to say we aren't doing a lot of pizza and beer nights, and I don't plan on doing them very often in the future.
JVG
Family photo Oct 2010
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